- Bummer.
-

thumbergia2001
- July 14th, 21:10
I just realized that I'm missing the church picnic again this year. Not because I'm playing for a friend's wedding this time, but because I decided to go to the WorshipGod conference. I'm probably weighing a general session by John Piper against people I love from my church family. Surely this is a win-win situation, but I'm still a bit disappointed. And I seem to be in a rut of complaining lately, which you'll probably have noticed if you asked me how I'm really doing lately. I don't like being here (in a not generally joyful disposition), and yet it seems like it would take so much effort to be otherwise.
In case you hadn't figured this out about me, I'm a follower. In general, I'd be really happy to have you tell me what to do. Lay it all out before me and let me get to work. As a child, I followed my parents. As I got older, I followed my friends. Eventually, teachers were added to the mix with more and more authority. My job kind of has this element, but it's been less and less over the past year. So I find myself today as an "adult" whose parents no longer tell her what to do with her life (doing the dishes doesn't quite qualify), whose teachers were left behind at graduation, whose friends no longer fill that position, and whose boss is mainly herself. I'm a follower without a leader.
And so God is teaching me that just because I don't see a person ahead of me doesn't mean that I can't follow the path He has created for me. It might mean I have to work harder, but He's made it clear. When I need to change direction, it will be apparent. But in the meantime it's a little lonely, and I'm not quite up to running on this path yet. Here are some verses that have been sticking with me the past few days:
Psalm 86:4-5:
Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.
For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.
Have you ever pondered what it means for the only One who is good to also be forgiving? And if He is truly good, as He is, then His forgiveness can not be partial but only complete.
Lord, teach me to call upon You, to lift my soul up to You, the only One who is able to - and who delights to - make it glad.